OBJECT OF USE

Many of our actions are taken in order to seek pleasure or to avoid pain. Pleasure and pain occur at the emotional level. You choose a dessert for the enjoyment of eating. You take medication. The same principles apply to many of our actions in a relationship. Imagine meeting that special person and experiencing an expression of delight on their face as they see you. This is undoubtedly a pleasure for you. Perhaps you have given the person a gift with the same result. Your action has resulted in pleasure for you.

There can be different motivations for giving a gift. Your gift was likely given with goodwill towards the person, and you hope that your gift will help that person achieve some genuine good. On the other hand, your gift could be made with the intention of provoking some reaction from the person, besides expressing appreciation, that is enjoyable for you. In that case you may be using the person for your own ends. (continued below)

In order to evaluate your actions in a relationship ask yourself are you using the person who is the object of your relationship?

Would you use that person as you would use a bus or a taxi to get somewhere that you want to go? Would you build a relationship with a person in order to gain acceptance into a circle of friends of that person, without making your intentions known? It is certainly possible to use a person for your own ends.

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